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Good Question!

3 Apr

Gold Olympian, Ashton Eaton: Failure Is My Friend

17 Apr
eaton with gold

Olympian! (August 2012)

Which mother’s proudest moment is when her son fails?  Who would proclaim losing a high point in our children’s life?  What type of parent thinks that?

A parent like Roz Eaton:  a beautiful, independent, strong, genuine, Olympic Mom; Ashton Eaton’s mom.  Roz was describing Ashton’s struggle at the 2011 IAAF World Championships in Athletics, where Aston failed to win first place.  She says,

“The proudest I’ve been of Ashton as an athlete was in Daegu, South Korea when he was struggling. I saw that he was disappointed in his early performance but he fought through it and earned a silver medal. To me, that moment signified a benchmark in his life as a person and an athlete. I was proud of the young man he had become.”

For Roz to see that as a positive moment, a defining moment, in her son’s life, speaks volumes to the woman she is, and the mother she has always been to the world’s greatest athlete.

Baby Ash (7 Months Old)

Ashton grew up in the Portland, OR area, spending his early childhood in La Pine, then moving for high school to Bend, OR.  His dad was an athlete and his maternal grandfather also played college football.  But no one forced or encouraged a career in athletics, according to Roz, “Track chose Ashton”, and she simply facilitated his efforts.   As a young boy, Ash, as Roz calls him, was already showing a real penchant for physical activity.  He was climbing, running, setting up long-jump in the back yard, and generally exerting real energy toward all things athletic.  Roz enrolled him in Ty Kwon Do and by 13 Years old he had earned his black belt.  By then, he was also running track.

Roz admits to having a hard time as a single mom – keeping a roof over his head, food in the cupboards, and clothes on his back meant working several jobs at the same time.  She did a little bit of everything, and those years are but a blur as she tries to recall what she did when.  The actual jobs were “unimportant” she says.  Her parents would surely have come to her aid, but she’s not that kind of person.  On the other hand, she couldn’t feasibly hold down three jobs while getting Ashton to his busy afterschool schedule.  It is here that Roz relied on everyone else to help out.  Family, coaches, parents, friends, they all made sure Ash didn’t miss a practice, a meet, a tournament or a heat.

Young Ash (circa 1996)

She remembers rushing from work and showing up late for some meets, and seeing Ash’s relief as he acknowledged her presence.  Sometimes she didn’t even have the funds to go see him compete.  In our conversation, she tears up as she remembers the one time the other parents, the coaches and some friends put up the fare for her to get to a meet.  Roz, a proud and independent person, didn’t hesitate to take help when it was for her son:

“I had to rely a lot on Ashton’s coaches,” Roslyn says. “I was straightforward with them that I was a single mom who had to entrust them with my son. I knew Ashton wanted to accomplish something and it was my job to support his dream.”

By high school, Ashton had already come to the attention of area Colleges.  It didn’t take long for him to decide on the University of Oregon where he trained under Dan Steele and then Harry Marra.  But it was his high school coach, Tate Metcalf, who is most credited with leading Ashton toward a career in the most demanding competition in the Olympics.  Metcalf recognized Ashton’s multi-lateral talents:  his athletic aptitude was noticeably superior and Metcalf honed his skills to a fine art; and then encouraged him to attend a college with a solid decathlon program.  More than that, Metcalf recognized Ashton’s character: in a world of testosterone-driven competition, Easton, is a nicer, gentler, decenter athlete.

According to, “Coaches had to sit him down and tell him it was OK to max out during workouts, that beating his teammates badly didn’t mean he was humiliating them. But Eaton didn’t start soaring until he started racing against time, distance and himself rather than the person beside him. “

Today, in spite of his winning the Olympic gold medal for his outstanding prowess in ten grueling sports events, Eaton is still gravely under-recognized.  Yet in this world of mega-stardom for lesser athletes, his performance speaks for itself.  His record-breaking feats exceed your time and my space here, but can be easily found at Wikipedia.  Meanwhile, his home-town continues to laud him, naming a highway in his honor and having a huge Olympic parade upon his return from the UK.  And, in the sports world, he has accrued an amazing number of tributes, awards, trophies and salutes.

And he could not have done it without his mom.  In response to a question from Ilyssa Panitz at, this was his response:

Roz and Ashton (2012)

“…My mom and I have been through a lot. But when you think about it, whose life is perfect? It is just really good because we did this together. I had a dream, my dream came true and my mom was there for me every step of the way. We didn’t do this for any other reason. I am so happy she is here to experience this with me. This would not be the same if she were not by my side.”

I first realized how unassuming and gracious Ashton is when I watched the David Letterman show right after the Olympics.  Ashton’s humility is obvious:  he defers the attention, and always recognizes his mom, grandparents, his coaches and the battalion of people who helped him along the way.  I knew I wanted to feature them on my blog. I reached out to Roz via Facebook and was utterly incredulous when she replied with a thoughtful and authentic response.

“… [T]hank you for your kind words regarding Ashton! The truth is, I need to really think about my answer deeply before I respond. Using an analogy that Ashton has used before when describing his competitions; I think while you are in the middle of it–(in this case raising a young man in today’s world) you are so deeply in-trenched IN it, that you don’t see what is happening from the outside view-much like driving a car-it is easier to see what the ‘car’ is doing when you are outside of it looking at it, rather than on the inside of it at the steering-wheel…In any case [one] should go into it with a clear goal–when Ashton has a goal, he writes it in big letters and puts it somewhere he will see it every day.”

I contacted her again a few months later, and she was genial and generous with her time.  We spoke for over an hour and I liked her even more after our phone call.  It was clear she had sacrificed to make Ashton the best he could be.  She said to me, when dinner was meat and potatoes, she ate the potatoes.  Besides working several jobs, she moved when she felt he needed a better environment, and moved again, when her commute precluded her seeing him compete.  She bought him the expensive gear he needed, and surrounded him with strong role models to emulate. He didn’t have “chores”, but he knew he had to help out around the house.  And Roz made sure he didn’t neglect his school work for the sake of his sports.  She wanted him to have better opportunities, and a four-year college was part of that plan.  Ashton’s fiancée, Brianne Theisen perhaps says it best, in the Bend Bulletin:

“Ashton and Roz definitely didn’t have the easiest life while Ashton was growing up, and they had to work for everything they got. Roz is a fighter, though. She wanted Ashton to have all the things that the other kids his age had, and more. She worked her butt off so that he could do all the sports he wanted, and she helped him in any way she could — financially, mentally.

Ashton in Suit

Mr. Eaton (2011)

“But the most important thing is that she taught him how to be a good person. She’d discipline him if he ever treated anyone with disrespect, but she also taught him how to be a tough person and to stand up for himself and others. Anyone that knows Ashton or meets him for the first time is always shocked at how well-spoken and friendly he is. People aren’t just blessed with this type of personality; it needs to be taught. And he’s only lived with his mom growing up, so you know where he learned it from.”

And, even more importantly, while Ashton has triumphed most of the time, she didn’t coddle and protect him from failure.  She made it clear that he has to give his all in everything he undertakes.  During a recent interview  for the Bowerman Awards, Ashton had this to say when asked “what’s next?”

Failure is my friend; when you win you don’t change anything, because you’re winning.  When you don’t win you tend to change stuff.  In this position I still feel I want to change things.  Not necessarily recreate stuff, but kinda just keep the learning curve going…”

Roz Eaton defied the odds to raise a sports phenomenon who remains humble, grateful and  gracious.   I eagerly look forward to seeing this remarkable young man in Moscow for the World Championships this year and at the 2016 Rio’s Olympics.  Below is some basic information about him:

DOB:  January 21, 1988

Place of Birth:  Portland, OR

Complications at birth: none

Birth:  natural, 5 hours labor

Birthweight:  6lbs 12 oz

Breast or bottle:  breast

Talked when: approx 6 mo

Walked when:  approx 8 months

Potty trained when: approx 2-4 yrs

Siblings:  2 brothers and one sister on the paternal side

Birth order:  first born

Raised in: LaPine and Bend, OR

Race: Mixed, Caucasian and African American

Looks:  Takes after his mother

Religion:  Christian

College:  University of Oregon

Early Emotional Intelligence with Yale’s New Prez Salovey

19 Feb
salovey - yale pr headshot

Yale University PR Headshot

The truth is I hadn’t meant to write about Salovey specifically.  I just wanted to see what kind of upbringing resulted in someone becoming president of a renowned university.  It turned out to be a harder assignment than one would imagine, given the format of this blog.

See, most people who attain such stature are generally older.  To put it another way, most of the current leaders of the Ivy Leagues are about sixty years old.  I mean, would you want an unseasoned president running your esteemed institute?  So I was at a loss.  Stumped for someone to interview — given that so few sixty-year olds still have living parents.

Thus it was serendipitous that Yale’s 65 year old President Levin was retiring, allowing for a younger, fresher subject, whose parents would likely be equally younger, fresher and still in possession of their faculties.  Peter Salovey, a life-long intellectual and beloved professor, is poised to become the next president in July 2013 after a 3-month vetting of over 100 candidates. I don’t need to emphasize how prestigious an appointment this is.

But the zenith of Dr. Salovey’s achievements is not his steady advancement into the annals of Yale’s leadership.  A renowned psychologist, his pioneering study with colleague John D. Meyer on Emotional Intelligence, and its speedy assimilation into the psychology of education, business and family dynamics, make for a great story.  I could not have asked a better confluence of circumstances for a new blogject – blog subject.  (Heeey! Did I just coin a word?)

Salovey w/ Infamous Moustache (Circa 2008)

Salovey is hailed by Yale students as a brilliant, accessible, well-liked professor, as this light-hearted piece at the Yale Daily News  on his now-shorn, oft-caricatured mustache demonstrates.  The reason for his heinous ‘stache betrayal?

“Although I loved my mustache, it was becoming increasingly expensive to maintain. In these times of economic constraint, I have to find ways of cutting costs. I hope to regrow the mustache in Fiscal Year 2012, following significant financial recovery.”

Errmm, oh-kaaay!!  Not your usual pedagogue…

After joining Yale faculty in 1986, Salovey consistently moved up the ranks, most recently as University provost.  Yale’s Website  lauds their president-elect who has:

  • Been appointed:
    • -Secondary faculty in the Schools of Management and Public Health and the Institution for Social and Policy Studies
    • -Chair of the Department of Psychology in 2000
    • -Dean of the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences in 2003, and Dean of Yale College in 2004.
  • Authored or edited 13 books translated into 11 languages and published over 350 journal articles and essays.
  • Won the William Clyde DeVane Medal for Distinguished Scholarship and The Teaching in Yale College and the Lex Hixon ’63 Prize for Teaching Excellence in the Social Sciences.
  • Received an honorary doctorate from the University of Pretoria in South Africa.

Such is Salovey’s impressive Yale tenure.  And most would surmise he is following his father’s footsteps as an academic.  The elder Salovey is a well-respected university chemistry researcher with several patents in the field.

But it seems there’s more to the younger Salovey than dry bookishness:

salovey - hippie

Stanford Yearbook

In 1990, Salovey and Meyer inserted “Emotional Intelligence” (EI) into modern psychology to address the importance of emotional maturity in overall cognitive prowess.  Emotional Intelligence is defined, on page 31 of their eponymous work, as “the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to pro­mote emotional and intellectual growth.”  Salovey and Meyer propounded that individuals are altogether improved if they tap into their Emotional Intelligence to help with interpersonal relations in every aspect of life.  EI took off as a separate area of study and is now widely used for training in forums as discrete as kindergartens and boardrooms.  (Read a layman’s explanation of EI here).

EI struck me as a sophisticated, complex hypothesis that had to have sprouted from personal experiences.  I sought to uncover what triggered Salovey’s initial interest in emotion, its relation to cognition, and what got him on his path to excellence.

Recently, I chatted with his mother (coincidentally on the day her first great grandchild was born).  And while she requested anonymity, she recalls family plays, where Peter, his brother and sister enacted different scenes from popular literature.  She “always tried to develop their imagination.”  They listened to music, sang and played musical instruments; the family always had a piano, and she played the accordion.  Peter himself reminisces,

“As a kid in the 1960s, I listened to a lot of folk music because my parents – from Brooklyn and the Bronx – were really into the New York City wing of the folk revival and exposed us from a young age to the music of Pete Seeger, the Weavers, Hoyt Axton, and many others.”

salovey - double-bass

‘Stache and Double-bass

This was his preface to explaining his interest, and avid participation in, bluegrass music.  Dr. Salovey, you see, is founding member and double bass player of the Professors of Bluegrass Band.  He is also on the board of the International Bluegrass Music Museum.  And apparently, Salovey is one heck of a bluegrass bass player!  (Coverage here).  Not at all what one would expect of a crusty professor, but clearly Salovey is not of the stereotypical mold.

His mother paints a picture of a typical middle-class family.  She was a nurse for fifty years while Dad was a professor.  She couldn’t help but laugh when I asked if they had a maid.  No, she said, she worked because they needed the money to ensure good colleges for the children and because she enjoyed nursing. Taking care of and helping people was rewarding — she was immensely proud of her career.  So the kids had to pitch in; she feels “guilty” now for being “so hard on the boys”, but she “needed the help”.  Laundry, yard work, cleaning, putting their stuff away – everything.  If their toys weren’t neat, she confiscated them.  She worked a shift that allowed her to be home with them, and she “did the best she could”.  Instilling this ethic in the children too, but also reassuring them,

“You don’t have to be perfect…your best changes from day to day.  When you go to bed at night, know that you did your best, whether in relation to people or in your work”.

Peter was always “bright”, studious, enjoyed learning, and didn’t need to be pushed to do his school work.  He was such a good student, when he had to switch high schools because the family moved, the principal of his old school offered to board him, but his mom encouraged him to stick with the family.  As usual, Peter excelled at his new school and was the top student.  At year end, however, in spite of his outstanding grades, the school didn’t want to make him valedictorian as he’d only been there for one year.  His mom intervened and advocated for him to get the honor he justly deserved.  That year, the school awarded two valedictorians.

He was an “easy baby”; later a cub-scout; and wasn’t really good at sports, though he and his brother played little league.  He was in the marching band, and he and his father participated in the Indian Guide.  Peter got along well with his siblings, and was very protective as big brother.  He was always willing to explore new things, but also followed the rules:  crossing the street one day as an infant, Peter reminded his mom to hold his hand, “Because that’s the way we do it!”  She remembers also the time she was a bit tardy getting him from day care, and he looked down at the new wristwatch his grandparents had gifted him, and admonished, “You’re late – I’m handing out the cookies!”  This was at three years old!

To help pay for college, Peter, according to Liz Oliner of the Yale Herald, “…[C]ooked in a Mexican restaurant and assisted an electrician. His most unusual job was at a bank, where he examined signatures on checks [for fraud].”

Salovey and wife, Marta Moret (undated)

Peter’s mom is quick to point out they “only had him til he was eighteen” and Peter’s wife, Marta Moret, a “wonderful woman”, helped make him the man he is. Yet I’m convinced his early family life shaped Dr. Salovey’s outlook to become such an accomplished individual.  It must have helped to be brought up by two parents, both clearly fulfilled in their respective occupations.  Who spent quality time with their children, performing plays, enjoying music, and having fun, even while teaching the value of collaboration and hard work.  All this had to have contributed to his interest in the role of emotions and empathy on cognitive enhancement.

In a nutshell, while his father’s profession must have influenced young Peter, he took that, with his mother’s commitment to helping people, plus his inherently curious and expansive nature, to create something uniquely his:

a double-bass-playing-pioneering-psychologist-sometimes-mustachioed- Ivy-League President!   What do you think?

General Stats:

DOB:  February 1958

DOB:  February 1958

Place of Birth:  Cambridge, MA

Complications at birth: four weeks premature

Birth:  natural

Birthweight:  5lb.

Breast or bottle:  breast

Talked when: late

Walked when:  late

Siblings:  1 brother and 1 sister

Birth order:  first born

Raised in: Northern New Jersey/ Upstate New York

Race: Jewish

College:  Sanford University, A.B. in Psychology and an A.M. in Sociology, with departmental honors and university distinction, 1980

Grad School:  Yale University, Ph.D. in Psychology, 1986

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